I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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