david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
