I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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