i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
