I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
