I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
