i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
