Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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