Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
