So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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