My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
