Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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