So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
