she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
