Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
