Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
