I just saw a hot homeless man
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
