Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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