allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
