I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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