I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
