In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
