you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
