I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
