i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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