Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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