In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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