Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
