I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
