Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
