she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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