So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
