Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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