I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
