We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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