my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
