The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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