Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
