I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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