Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
