Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
