Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
