I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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