I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
