Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
