my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
