Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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