I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
