Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
