oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
