it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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