So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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