"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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