I swear to god he's a one man village people.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
