My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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