omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
