Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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