I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
