Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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