I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
